Pep Talk

For everyone who needs to hear it . . . including me:

You.

Are.

Awesome.

You are awesome for all the ways you change the world every day just by being a part of it.

You are talented.

You are intelligent.

You are kind.

You are generous.

You are thoughtful.

You make a difference simply by being present.

You are important because you are.

Your awesomeness does not depend on my acknowledgment of it, but just in case you forgot or are having a hard time embracing the remarkable being that you are, I'm telling you. I hope you believe it.

You.

Are.

Awesome.

*******

Love, Micah

Are there 28 things I should do instead of getting engaged/married before I turn 28?

All the rage lately are these lists of "[Number] of Things to Do Instead of Getting Married at [Age, which is the same as Number]" or some variation thereon. At least two (three) of these posts emerged in response to this one. I'm not sure why some folks of my generation decry marriage as the end of life. (Maybe it's Timon's fault...) On the other hand, I'm not sure why others think life doesn't begin until you're in a stable, committed relationship. I don't hold to either of these ideas.

Coming up on 28, I've had a pretty good run so far. I won't regale you with a list of my accomplishments to date because, well, I'm not a high school student applying to college. (And who wants to read that anyway?) Neither will I deny that I haven't accomplished everything I hope to do in my lifetime, and I'm certainly not married yet. I hope marriage is a part of that lifetime sometime, but I'm not going to stop living now just because it's now a part of my life right now. (For the record, I also don't plan to stop living once I do marry, whenever (if) that happens.)

The blogs I mention read kind of like bucket lists at times, but this isn't one of those. For lack of a better term, these are some of my New Year's Resolutions. (A friend of mine resolved not to make any resolutions because this time of year isn't good for his resolve.) My list of resolutions includes a host of what I'll call "life fixes". (I don't have a better name for them right now. Do you have any ideas?) Instead of setting concrete goals, although I have those as well, I resolve to make choices and develop habits to improve my overall being.

*Connect more with the people in my life. Write monthly to the children I sponsor. Exchange letters with friends. Call my family more.

*Celebrate happiness. Last year, I had a happiness bucket for a hot minute. Now I have a happiness wall.
2.27 update: My sticky notes didn't stick to the wall. It's a happiness vase now. It's working:

Look at all that happiness in just two months!

*Be less critical when criticism is unasked or not constructive. This is particularly in relation to criticism from a distance, criticism of people I don't know, and criticism to make myself feel superior. (Hello, character flaw! Let's root you out!)

*Compliment others generously (and genuinely).

*Invest in people's lives. Ask how things are going. Follow up about projects, transitions, etc. Be present!

*Spend less time comparing my happiness/success with that of others.

Basically, it's all about being a decent, loving human being to myself and to the rest of humanity. If you're present in my life, I hope you'll hold me accountable. If we're not connected on a personal level, I hope you find something in this list worth applying to your own life. If you're inspired, I hope you'll connect through the comments and share your own "life fixes".

Whatever your marital status, age, or number of things to do,

here's to being present in 2014! I'm glad I'm here with you.

At 27, I went kayaking for the first time!
[with Sarah and Ryan (and also Mallory, who is taking the picture)]

Why I'm Afraid to Let You Read What I'm Writing

Too much of how I feel about myself is all tied up in how you feel about me. Good or bad, important or not, I value your opinion. Even if I don’t know you, I’ll take your response personally. Even if you just evaluate the grammar, I’ll internalize it and somehow manipulate your comments into a personal attack. They’re not meant that way. My brain knows that on the most basic level, but the emotional side of my brain doesn’t believe the rational side of my brain so I will struggle to keep the writing separate from who I am.

Except that, in a way, the writing is who I am. We are one and the same. It’s my thoughts and my opinions and my imagination run amok and my contribution to the world, however insignificant in the long run. It’s what will remain when I’m gone. So if you don’t appreciate it, if you don’t like it, if you don’t respond to it, what was the point of it? Why did I bother? If what I created isn’t worth your notice, does that mean I’m not worth it, either?

Again, I know that’s not true. I know my worth extends far beyond some words on a page. My contribution to the world is so much more than a physical remnant. My most valuable impression will not be measured by its physical presence. It will be the cheer that someone feels when they remember our interaction or the smile that creeps across their face when something reminds them of me.

So I guess what I’m saying is that how you feel about my writing will affect how I feel about myself, but I hope what you remember most about me is not my writing but me. Just me. My smile and my heart and the love and laughter I shared with you. I hope my writing doesn’t get in the way of that, and if all you have of me is my writing, I suppose my writing had better be full of love and laughter.

Recently, I've Been Writing...

Okay, I've been writing more than just recently. Since elementary school probably. When I was a kid, adults showered praise on my writing, impressed with my command of grammar and vocabulary, imagery and symbolism. (Yikes, that sounds conceited, doesn't it?) It made me uncomfortable, being singled out.

So I stopped sharing things and started keeping them to myself. Eventually, I lost that youthful ability to give over my thoughts to people to read and instead hoarded them, terrified to let anyone else see or hear what was happening in my head.

In college, of course, as an English major, I had to share my thoughts, had to write them down and let professors and peer-readers evaluate them. I was successful (mostly), and my confidence grew. Reading over some of those papers now, I wonder who that writer is. Surely, I didn't write those papers. I did, though, so where is she, the person who thought those things and phrased them the way she did. Not that anything I wrote was particularly commendable or memorable, but the thoughts were interesting and the writings engaging.

So what happened?

Well, whatever happened, I'm back to writing and figure I might as well put the words out there for reading. Some of it will be fiction, some introspective, some just for laughs. I'll leave it to you to decide what's what.

I hope you'll share your thoughts in the comments. I hope you'll tell me the truth, even if it might hurt. I hope you'll help me grow, and I hope you won't give up on me the way I had nearly given up on myself.

And thanks, in advance. I'm glad you're here.